EVEN IN DEATH.....

Give me a reason to believe that you're gone..

I see your shadow so I know that they're all wrong...

Moonlight on the soft brown earth, it leads me to where you lay

They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home..

I will stay forever here with you, My love...

The softly spoken words you gave me,

Even in DEATH our love goes on,

And I can't love you any more than I do..

Some say i'm crazy for my love, oh my love..

But no bonds can hold me from your side, oh my love..

They don't know u can't leave me, They don't hear u singing to me..

I will stay forever here with you, My love...

The softly spoken words you gave me,

Even in DEATH our love goes on,

And I can't love you any more than I do..

A Sad Love Story

Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again, and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened me again.

First I thought the pain would go away, but it grew stronger until to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot, which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life, but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially Ieka, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. Ieka was still young, she shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years's feelings. I didn't have much time, because I would soon start to loose hair and she would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding, this drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.


The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, loosing our last moments in silence.
I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to her, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."
She didn't talk, just nodded lightly, and then opened up her misshaped umbrella and stepped out on the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one red, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for her and she got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from her forever. I stood by the car, staring in the dark window, at the first love in my life, also the last one, walking out of my life. The car started, driving into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twist in my heart any longer, waving my arms rapidly chasing after the taxi, because I knew, this would be the last time I see her. I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but the taxi had already turned in the corner. Warm tears kept falling down my face, blended with the cold rain drops. I was cold, not because of the rain. I was cold inside.


She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls even until today. I know she didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not that guy, I'm that girl Ieka, using my memory, and his diary I found after one year since he left, writing down these last words.

Isn't it a sad story?..

Waiting for you..

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
Call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and pollished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
When you are sitting next to me
Will bring life into my deepest hopes, What's your fantasy?
(What's your, what's your...)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

And I'm tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home

(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
And I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn't anything you have)

Happy Anniversary My Love..

8 May 2011

Dear Awak,

Dah hampir sebulan awak tinggalkan saye sorang2.. Dan hari ni, genap anniversary kite yang ke-3.. Awak,.. saye mintak maaf sebab tak dapat temankan awak waktu awak sakit dulu.. Sekarang awak tinggalkan saye.. Saye janji, awak sorang je di hati saye..

Awak, saye sentiase doakan kesejahteraan awak.. Tapi awak, saye betul-betul rindukan awak.. Saye rindu awak.. Hari ni, saye ade hadiah untuk awak.. Saye akan doakan awak supaye awak sentiase tenang .. (^_^)

Awak.. Susah betul hidup tanpe awak. Tapi, saye belajar supaye hidup saye jadi senang.. Walaupun susah.. Sebab, saye dah janji, akan hidup dengan baik walaupun awak dah takde lagi.

Oh yea, saye lupe nak ucapkan HAPPY ANNIVERSARY untuk awak.. "Happy Anniversary!!!".. Saye takkan pernah lupekan awak, seumur hidup saye. Itu janji saye untuk awak. Dan, saye mintak maaf, sebab saye tak sempat rawat awak sebagai pesakit pertame saye bile saye dah jadi doktor nanti.. Saye betul2 mintak maaf.. Tapi, saye janji, saye akan rawat orang yang sakit macam awak supaye cepat sembuh sebagai ganti.

Awak.. erm, saye dah janji takkan nangis bile awak tinggalkan saye.. Tapi, saye mungkir janji pade hari pertame awak tinggalkan saye.. hahaha.. saye betul2 tak sengaje.. Saye mintak maaf ye awak.. Takpe, sekarang saye dah tak nangis lagi.. Setiap kali saye rindu awak, saye tengok gambar awak, jadi saye..erm.. sy nangis jugak!!! >_< Sorry sangat2!!! Saye tak boleh tahan la..

Dear Awak,

Saye sedang himpun duit, sebab suatu hari nanti saye nak pergi Dead Sea bersame awak.. Tapi, hasrat saye tak kesampaian.. Tak pelah.. Mungkin suatu hari nanti saye dapat pergi.. Sorang2 pun tak pelah.. Nanti saye tangkapkan gambar yea? Saye akan tunjukkan untuk awak.. Saye janji.. (^_^)

Awak, saye takkan lupekan awak.. Saye pernah cakap kat awak "The day I'll stop loving you is the day when I close my eyes forever.." Jadi, saye akan kotakan janji saye pade awak.. (^_~)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

Sincerely,
Your darling..

WANTED???!!! ~(O_O)~



Bahahahaahaahaha!! Hehe.. Wanted.. Sebab aku baru je lari dari penjare.. Hihi.. " Penjare Cinte " Huah3!! Takdelah... Merapu je..

Boring tol la.. Kalau ade level keboringan 1-10, aku rase aku ni dah tahap 10.1 dah ni.. adoyyy... Nak citer pasal pe ehh??

Haa... meh sini aku nak citer sesuatu.. Kalau korang nak dengar, dengarlah.. Tak nak,tak pakse..
Hihi.. aku start erk?? Ehem2..

Once upon a time, adelar sorang minah ni.. Minah ni, asalnye baek.. Tapi, disebabkan die takder kawan and disisihkan, die jadi emo semacam.. Hahh.. sejak tu, macam-macam la die buat untuk hilangkan kebosanan melampau yang menusuk-nusuk jantung die tuh.. Die jadi playgirl, die asyik sedih, hah.. asal sedih je, die mulelah toreh2 tangan die..Die bukak lagu metal kuat2 so orang lain tak dengar die jerit.. Dah la tu, kalau dok rumah je, mesti sengsorang.. Parents die gi keje, malam baru balik. Kadang2, die rase die cam membebankan je.. Kalau la die tak menyusahkan, mesti parents die tak yah keje trok2.. Mesti ade mase ngan die..



　
Haha.. Lawak tol la minah ni.. Kat rumah ke, kat mane ke, die mesti pakai baju tangan panjang. Tuuu.. nak lindung luke tuh.. Hah.. Ditakdirkan pade suatu hari, die TERberkenalan ngan sorang mamat nih.. Die ingat die nak buat mamat tu jadik sparepart jer.. Tapi, mamat nih betol2 pulak suke die. Macam2 la mamat tu buat untuk tarik perhatian die.. Lame2, minah ni pun sedar, die dah tak leh memain gi dah.. Sebab die pown suke gak kat mamat tu..

Haa... walaupun mamat ni dah tawu pasal kisah hidup si minah ni, mamat ni masih jugak nak kat si minah ni..Adoyy.. setienye..So, mamat ni pun berusaha mengubah awek kesayangan die supaye tak buat dah mende2 bodoh tu.. Lame2, minah ni pun dah makin jadik "manusia".. Die dah start pakai tudung, dah start solat, dah tak jadi playgirl lagi dah.. Insaf la katakan..

Suatu hari, macam hari2 biase, minah ni tunggu si mamat nih.. Tapi, tak nampak2 pulak batang hidung die.. Tapi, die sabar jugak.. Akhirnye, genapla seminggu minah ni menunggu si mamat.. Bile si mamat ni dah "comeback" la katekan.. Minah ni punyeeeee lah happy, macam nak luruh je jantung die. Si mamat ni pun, tak kasi tawu kenape die menghilang sampai seminggu.. Tapi, minah ni tak tanye banyak.. So, diorang pown troskan hidop seperti biase.. hehe.. Maksud aku, troskan berCINTUN la..

Tapi.. jeng3... pade suatu hari, si minah ni dapat tawu yg si mamat nih ade brain tumor.. Alah.. barah otak.. Ape lagi.. si minah ni pown, tension bagai nak gile lah.. Rupe2 nye, mamat ni tak nak kasi tawu sebab takut si minah ni sedih.. Tapi, si minah ni.. die setie.. Die tetap jugak sayangkan si mamat ni.. Hari2 die berdoa, walaupun solat die tu masih tunggang langgang.. Die berdoa supaye si mamat ni sembuh cepat..

Suatu hari, mamat ni pesan kat minah ni.. " Kalau nanti saye dah takde, janji dengan saye, awak akan carikan lelaki yang baik untuk awak, yg sayangkan awak lebih dari saye sayangkan awak.. Dan, boleh tak awak namekan anak awak dengan name saye? "
Haaaahhh.. ape lagi, minah ni pun sedih tahap orang kene histeria lah.. Minah tu punye la harap si mamat ni sembuh, tapi... ape boleh buat.. Die tak boleh lawan takdir, die kene terime jugak.. Si mamat tu akhirnye meninggalkan si minah tu ...

So start dari hari tu, si minah ni mule buat perangai balik.. Asal tension je.. hah.. die pegi cari mende2 tajam.. Ketagih la katekan.. Hari2 minah ni nangis, tiap2 malam sebelum tidur, pagi bangun tidur.. Haaa.. cam tu lah rutin harian die.. Dalam hati die, takde sesape bleh ganti si mamat tu.. Tapi, jauh kat sudut hati die, die harap ade orang sudi tolong die supaye die tak kesunyian lagi, tak sedih lagi..

Haaaa... That's the end of the story.. Tapi, tu sekadar cerite je.. Hahaha.. kalau betul2 jadi,.. erm.. agak2nye, ape yang dah jadi kat minah tu sekarang erk??



Evanescence - Anywhere Lyrics

Dear My Future Husband ~(^3(^_^)~

Hahaha.. tibe2 je rase nak tulis blog dalam bahase Melayu plak.. hihi.. Asyik tulis dalam englishhhhh jew.. jemu la plak..


Ehem2.. tajuk post aku kali ni " Dear My Future Husband " .. hehe.. *dlm hati : gatalnye..* haha.. whatever.. ske hati la nak tulis ape pown.. Hehe.. Erm, petang2 macam nie, boring la pulak.. So, aku pown terase cam nak tulis sesuatu kat sini.. Ditujukan khas untuk future husband aku, yg aku belum tawu lg sape.. heheeehehhs~~


Korang, kalau korang bace, tetibe rase cam mual2 tu, hah.. elokla korang berenti bace, kang kluar abis sarapan pagi + makan tgh hari + makan malam sume kat depan laptop korang.. hehe.. Aku start erk??



*************************************************************************


Dear my future husband *dlm hati : (O_O) hehe.. miang betol..*


Awak, saye ter-tanye2, agak2nye kan, awak ngorat saye dulu ke atau saye ngorat awak dulu?? Erm, saye kenal awak tak?? Kerrr.. kite saling mengenali?? Apepown, saye tak kisah, as long as awak sudi menerime saye seadenye.


Dear honey, *dlm hati : hehe.. makin maju nampak..*


Saye tak kisah awak ni pendek ke, gelap ke, tak hensem ke, ape ke.. yang penting, you love me as much as you could. Lagipown, saye tak cantik, tak comel, tak tinggi, tak lawa, tak putih, tak.. erm, macam2 lagi. So saye tak kisah luaran awak. Kalau saye dapat yang hensem, tu namenye rezeki.. hehe.. Tapi kalau sebaliknye, hahh... padan la kite due.. (^_^)


Heerrmm... awak, nanti kan, saye harap awak boleh bersabar dengan perangai saye lah.. Saye mengaku, saye mengade-ngade, manje macam ape gih, panas baran lah.. Tapi, saye janji, saye akan berubah. Tapi kan awak, saye ni setie taw.. Haaa.. tu yang saye paling bangge skali ngan diri saye.. Saye tak tipu, betul lah.. Ikut ske ati awak lah nak caye ke tak..* hehe.. sesape yg dah menyampah bace tu, boleh la stop setakat ni je..*


Dear sayang, * dlm hati : alamak.. cepat tol da upgrade..*


Saye janji, if u love me and treat me right, i'll love you more than you can imagine. (^_^) That's my promise.. Janji.. !! Tapi awak, saye memang cepat cemburu.. Alah.. biase la tuh.. orang lain pown kuat cemburu, kan? So, disebabkan saye tak nak cemburu lebih2, awak cume bleh sayang saye sorang je.. hehe.. * dlm hati : tamak....*


Tapi awak, saye paling pantang kalau awak sebut pasal pompuan lain dengan saye.. Heeeiiii... yang tu, kalau awak buat, hah... saye tak tawu la ape nak jadi.. So, saye harap awak faham yea? Dan saye pun takkan sebut tentang lelaki lain dengan awak. Promise.. (^_^)


Dear awak, awak tawu tak? Saye harap tiap2 hari bile saye tunggu awak balik keje, awak akan bawak balik sekuntum bunga ros untuk saye.. Saye tawu saye melebih-lebih.. Tapi, saye tak kisah awak nak beli ke tak.. Dan, janji temu pertame kite, awak kene belikan saye teddy bear yg BESAAAAAAAAARRR tu.. (^_^) boleh lah yea?? yea?? yea?? Alah.. saye tak mintak banyak pun.. Ituuuuuu je.. bolehla... kan? kan? kan?


Dear my hubby,
Hah.. nampaknye, takde lagi dah saye nak tulis untuk awak. Nanti kalau ade lagi, saye simpan untuk first date kite yea? haha.. Okeylah.. Saye harap awak sentiase sihat dan ohhh yea.. saye terlupe.. Nanti, saye bawak awak pergi ke Dead Sea yea.. Saye tak janji, tapi suatu hari nanti, kite akan pergi.. (^_^)

~(//_^)~**~(^_~)~ Facts About Guys That Girls Should Know !!

1)  Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

2) A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

3) When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics.

4)  Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

5) Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend

6) Guys cry!!!!!!!!

7) Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

8) Guys are very open about themselves

9) Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty.

10) Guys' fantasies are unlimited..err.. (O_O)

11) When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he's sweating. You'll probably see that he is nervous.

12)  When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

13) If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.

14)  A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

15)  If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.

16)  You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!

17)  If a guy says you're beautiful, that guy likes you.

18) Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationship

19) Guys love kissing your forehead as it reflects blessings for you.

20) Guys do not want themselves to be called “handsome” but appreciating their skills and styles will make them smile

21) Guys get too easily jelous

22) The nerdiest guy is sometimes the most romantic

23)  Guys actually prefer to talk about you

24) Guys spend more time thinking about you than they say

25) When they say sorry – they mean it

26) A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

27) You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

28) When a GUY is lying on his bed,he is thinking deeply why he loves you

29) When a GUY keep asking you the same question, he is wondering why you are lying

30) When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, HE  LOVES YOU!!!

~(^_^)~ Facts About Girls That Guys Should Know..



1) When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are so wonderful

2) Fighting and swearing doesn’t impress us. We wanted to be treated right

3) When you say we are beautiful, we believe it for a while.. But if you tell us that we are ugly, we believe it for a lifetime!

4) We are not perfect, and we don't want someone perfect, we just want a guy who will treat us perfectly

5) The smallest thing you do means the most

6) Don't lie to us, we'll find out even we don't tell you

7) If we are upset, comfort us. That will make us melt.

8) We love it when you cuddle us from behind

9) When we are sad and you ask us if we are okay, we'll say we're alright. But actually, we want you to

10) When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's crying in her heart.

11) If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.

12) After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'll wonder why she never noticed him before.

13) Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

14) When a girl truly loves a guy, he is going to constantly be on that girls mind at every waking minute of the day. She may even dream of him at night while she is sleeping.

15) Girls hate it when guys say perverted things.

16) Girls hate guys with bad hygiene.

17) Girls get embarrassed easily, even if guys don't know what the hell just happened

18) When a girl is crying, she feels a lot safer if you pull her close and tell her that everything is going to be all right

19)  We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.

20)  Don't say you understand when you don't.

21) We are Drama queens; never forget that.

22) They flirt only to check if you are interested. And, they never like admitting about it.

23) When you share something special and sentimental, she will never forget it.

24) When a girl asks you to listen to a song, it means she wants to tell you something from the song

25) Girls have a bad habit which is holding on too long for the one they love

26) Girls love it so much when you try to impress her

27) Girls can read your body languanges within 5 seconds

28) Girls love it when you call them in the middle of the night just to say " I love you" and "Sweet dreams"

29) Girls can hide their tears better than guys although they can easily cry

30) Last but not least, girls are always right.. remember that ~(^_^)~

**~~)(..hEaRt BroKen..)(~~**



**.. Dear My Love ..**

Drowning in a darkness
Of deep despair
Believing the lies I hear
And seeing truths not there 

Hearing the tear drops
Falling from my eyes
Believe my hidden secrets
And tell my stolen lies

Rain rain go away

Because of you the pain will stay

The hurt, the shame, and all the prays

That i've been through for all these days

I sit and wait for you to be there

Sometimes I wonder if you even care?
I sit and I cry waiting for the end

~(u_u)~ Why Can't You Listen To Me????!! ~(u_u)~

Little girl terrified
She'd leave her room if only bruises would heal
A home is no place to hide
Her heart is breaking from the pain that she feels

Every day's the same
She fights to find her way
She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray
She wonders why, does anyone ever hear her when she cries

Today she's turning sixteen
Everyone singing, but she can't seem to smile
They never get past arms length
How could they act like everything is alright?

Pulling down her long sleeves
To cover all the memories that scars leave
She says, "maybe making me bleed
will be the answer that could wash the slate clean"

This is the dark before the dawn
The storm before the peace
Don't be afraid 'cause seasons change and
God is watching over you
He hears you


Every day's the same
She fights to find her way
She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray
She'll be just fine, cause I know He hears her when she cries

love's hurt..